WHO'S AT BAT

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;
I will remove from you your heart of stone and give
you a heart of flesh."  Ezekiel 36:26

      My friend Inger loaned me a book about Amy Carmichael's life.  We had been discussing my impatience, which causes me lots of problems in the area of learning to persevere in the face of adversity.

      Inger remarked, "Amy Carmichael really knew the meaning of "endurance" while serving God in India.  Just read her life's story and you will be encouraged to believe that God will see you through any trial you think is insurmountable."

      Amy spent her life rescuing little girls who were being trained as temple prostitutes, a deplorable Indian ritual.  Jesus was her strength through many dangers, for she trusted Him completely.

      As I read this story, old fears and panic rose in me as scenes from my own childhood emerged where I had been used by a pedophile in making pornographic pictures.  I went to bed that night feeling very unsettled, but I tried to cast it aside by playing tapes about Jesus and His love for me.

      During the night I dreamed I was back at the orphanage playing baseball with the other kids, mostly boys.  Back then I was a real tomboy, always trying to outdo the boys.  I hated being a girl!  "Boys rule the world," I declared to the other girls.

      In my dream I saw a little girl standing at home plate with a bat in her hands and on her face was a sullen scowl.  One of the boys said laughingly, "Look how angry she is!"  Upon closer examination, I saw that the girl was me, and I was feeling her anger!

      I awakened from my dream, tears streaming down my face, feeling fierce anger, but not knowing what to do about it.  I cried, "Oh, Jesus, I am still very angry at those men who used and abused me.  What can I do with all this anger?"

      Immediately I saw the Cross and Jesus hanging there upon it.  I said, "I must bring all this hate and anger to the Cross and let Jesus' blood cleanse me and heal my pain."  I prayed, "Jesus, I give it all to You now.   Once more I forgive that pedophile and all those me who molested me.  Remove any residue of bitterness left in my heart."

      Suddenly my anxiety left and a feeling of peace and tranquility enveloped my entire body!  I knew that another layer of hurt had been lifted from my heart.  Gratefully, I prayed, "Dear Jesus, thank You for showing me my need to forgive from my heart so I can be healed."

      It always amazes me how God uses books, dreams, visions, or, whatever is necessary to accomplish His purposes.

      Come to think of it, some years back I did give God permission to change my heart.  I don't know how many times I have sung that song, Change my Heart, Oh, God, by Eddie Esponisa.  I guess God knew I really wanted to be made whole, to get rid of all that baggage I was carrying around for too many years.

      I will praise God forever for His faithfulness!