FACING CHANGE

"I pour out my complaint before Him."  Psalm 142:2a

      Facing change is not easy.  It is a new and strange feeling, facing the future with your mate gone.  No one to talk to, no one to bounce things off of, nobody to take care of except yourself.

      Suddenly, meals become a meaningless chore.  What does it matter what I fix to eat?  It is tasteless in the dead silence of the lonely dining room.  I turn on the TV just so there will be another human voice filling the emptiness.  I cry out, "Oh God how can I go on?  My world has come crashing down.  Please help me cope with this loneliness."

      I never dreamed it could be so hard.  In talking to others who have lost their mates, I find they have experienced similar feelings.  A friend said, meaning to comfort me, "You are not alone because Jesus is with you."  Somehow that does not dispel my feeling of being utterly alone.  Others say 'time will bring about a peace in the silence.'

      Everyone is not of the same nature or makeup where peace descends like waves of endless tranquility.  Some days I can cope marvelously while other days are dreadful.

      At first I made endless trips to the grocery store just to see people and hear voices.  Sounds silly, doesn't it?  But unless you have been down this road you simply do not have a clue.  Oh, how easy it is to sink into despair and have pity parties.  You think nobody cares whether you live or die.  Everyone is too busy getting on with their own lives to bother with you.

      One day I came to the conclusion that I needed help.  I found a support group for people who lost their mates and began attending.  I realized that pouring out all my frustrations and anger brought a feeling of relief and a measure of peace.  Listening to others express their grief helped me get outside of myself.  What we were going through was part of the big picture, a vital part of life experienced by loved ones down through the ages.

      It was time to stop looking back, stop wallowing in self-pity.  Time to seek the Lord and find out what He planned that I should do with the rest of my life.

      God never promised to take away our problems, He promises to take us through them.  Though the journey might be long and lonely, I know God will see me through this new season of my life.  Praise God for His faithfulness!