CRY TO THE SHEPHERD

"He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul."
Psalm 23:2b

      When January 1st of a new year rolls around I always think about new beginnings.  Off with the old.  Time to make some changes.  So I prayed, "Oh Lord, I need something fresh; something inspiring to re-kindle the flame to draw me closer to You.  Please help me cope with losing Audrey, I still miss her so much.

      I scanned the bookshelf seeking a devotional for daily reading along with my Bible.  My eyes fell upon a book I had been trying to muster up courage to read called Roses in December by Marilyn Wilslet Heavilin.  She had lost three children and wrote about her struggles in coping with the losses.  As I carried the book to my bed I opened the cover and read what Marilyn had autographed; a message that sent a sharp pain zooming right to my heart!

                           To Lenore,
                                    Keep looking for the roses!
                                                            Merilyn Heavilin
                                                                    Romans 8:37

      I could not hold back the tears.  Out came a flood, like a dam bursting forth, coupled with a sea of pent up emotions  Picking up my journal I began to write.

      "Dear lord, there is still so much grief in my heart.  Why does the mention of roses keep stabbing my heart again and again?  You know how much Audrey loved roses.  I have journalized about this extensively, but I can't seem to find peace concerning this particular sorrow.  Will I ever be able to look at a rose without a stabbing pain in my heart?  Will it kill me before I get free of the pain?  Will I ever be healed of this tragic loss?  My child, Audrey, dead at seventeen, and I remain behind to weep and mourn over her forever.  What more can I do to get over this grief, to get on with my life, Lord Jesus?  What purpose is there to my life, anyhow?  Please answer me, Dear Lord."

            And Jesus, my Shepherd replied:

                              Let not your heart be troubled, My child.  
                              I will heal your heart as you look to Me for guidance.
                              Come now, My child!  Just as the fragrance of the rose
                                     brings joy to the heart, let your pen bring hope
                                     where there is despair.
                              Do not concentrate on the thorns mingled  with
                                     the beauty around you.
                              Keep your eyes on Me, My little lamb.
                              I am your Shepherd; I will lead you beside still waters!

      The tears kept flowing so I could scarcely write.  Suddenly I recalled a vision I had six months after Audrey died.  Jesus was walking along holding my child's hand in His.  Audrey's face, upturned, smiling, was positively glowing as she beheld the face of Jesus, whose tender, loving gaze made me wish I could be there with them.

      Once again I heard my Shepherd's voice echoing through my mind, touching my grieving heart and filling me with peace that only Jesus can give.  He spoke these words of comfort:

                  Do not weep for your child.  Rejoice!  She is with me!

      As my tears subsided I said, "Oh dear Shepherd Jesus, thank You for leading me back on the right path."  I realized that God had a plan for my life.  Now, instead of spending my time grieving, I would reach out to comfort others knowing that my child was safely with Jesus in heaven.

      Suddenly I felt excitement building in anticipation of sharing my joy, and I wondered who the Lord would bring across my path.

      I continue to be awe-struck at how loving and caring our God really is; that no detail of our lives is too insignificant for Him to show His concern.

      With the Lord's help I will keep looking for the roses!